I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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