Jerry, you need to find god
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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