last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
