I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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