Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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