Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
