dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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