i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
