I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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