If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Boobs are out for the taking
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
