So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
