I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
