He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
