i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
