it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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