So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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