Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
