My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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