There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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