Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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