My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
