Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
