My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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