Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
