I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
