Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
