I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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