Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
