if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
