Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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