four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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