good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
