some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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