so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
