Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
