you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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