Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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