It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
