I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
