Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
