its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
