I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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