Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
