I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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