somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
