I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
