Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
