My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
