people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
