pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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